My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
