is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
