New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
