My cat gives me a boner
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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