i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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