So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
