Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hippo gnu deer
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
