My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
