how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
