gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You need a sexual gate keeper
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
