actually, I'm a sock model
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
