that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
