I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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