he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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