the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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