How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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