Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
