the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
