Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
