Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
