I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
