Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
