Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
