I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
