He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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