Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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