Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
