Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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