I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
