Whoa Z and x make the same sound
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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