Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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