I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize