Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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