ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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