I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
