Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
now i know why i became what i already was.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
