dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She told me I should be a condom model.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
