My cat gives me a boner
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
