Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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