Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
