This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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