I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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