Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
