Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
