Got a toothbrush?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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