xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
