had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
