just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
