How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
