i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
