I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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