We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
