32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
