You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
