its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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