so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
