My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
