As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
