The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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