I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
