I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
