don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
