And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
