literally had 100 drinks last night.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
