So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
