I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
