Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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