It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
