I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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