First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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