I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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