remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
