Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
