absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize